Vivid Dream
by victoriathg
Summary: It was just a dream, was it? ... Katniss thinking and acting over to save her relationship with Peeta after the rebellion. Mockingjay


I had such a vivid dream, one of those you can't ignore. I tried to wash It away, but not even the water going down my sleepy face could take out the pressure that dream had put on me. But it wasn't about the usual things, it wasn't about Prim burning, or Peeta dying, no. it was something else, and something I didn't wanted to think about, not in my dreams at least, where I couldn't shake the thought if I wanted to. My subconscious had tricked me, and I was in no way able to confront this deal.

My mind wondered through the white room, searching for something to look at. Suddenly, out of nowhere, something appeared and my stare was drawn to it. As I walked closer to it I could see it was small, round, shiny? Yes, it was shining; it had a special glow, and one I was used to. All of the sudden I realized what it was I was watching, it didn't took that long, it's just that in a dream all of the time awareness I had left in real life seemed to have faded away. Anyways, it was the pearl, the one Peeta had given me in the arena, the only thing that reminded me that Peeta was still himself somewhere deep inside , past all that trackerjackers venom, after he was hijacked. The only thing that made me want to fight for him, for my caring and loving Peeta, not the one the capitol wanted me to believe he had turned into.

I was lost in these thoughts when I heard the slow and constant breathing of someone behind me. There he was, Peeta tied to a chair, begging me to unleash him, but I knew deep inside that if I did as he said, I would be dead in a second. But, what was I doing? Peeta was asking for my help but I denied it!. No, I couldn't do that. I wouldn't do that, even if it involved me getting hurt. I took a look at the pearl, still shining, and I knew what I had to do. I untied him very carefully, very slow. Letting him know it was alright. Letting him know it wasn't possible for me to hurt somebody I knew after all the bloodbaths I had experienced, especially not him.

When I finished I expected a rage. My body was already curled up in a ball waiting to receive my first hit. But after a few minutes I dared to look up. It was hard, I am not going to lie. What I finally saw wasn't what I expected, at all. What was I doing back in district twelve? Taking Peeta by his hand?. None of it made any sense for me. He was speaking; I knew that because I was watching him as his mouth moved, but I couldn't hear him, I was so afraid I had lost my hearing. But after some minutes of randomly walking I started to hear his voice, the old one, the normal one. Sweet, soft, soothing voice. His voice could calm even a lighting storm.

I started to cry as his hand broke away from mine. I wasn't expecting it. Had I miss something important he wanted to tell me? I had. But then he repeated it, as if he were reading my mind at that exact moment. "I have to go, I don't feel like this is going anywhere and I can't stand this situation anymore, not with you like this Katniss" Peeta said. I had listened this time, I was definitely not deaf. How could he have said that? That is not the peeta I know, or the one I used to know, he wouldn't say those things, not even when he was hijacked , but then I thought about what he had told me a few seconds ago, trying to process every single word. "Not with you like this" he had said, was it possible? Was it my entire fault? My mind kept wondering around these words. He disappeared. My sobbing went on and on. Wasn't I giving him all he wanted? It was possible that I wasn't too preoccupied about him as I should have been. I had been selfish; I hadn't taken him into consideration. Suddenly I felt so wrong, I felt like my whole world was crumbling below me. My knees couldn't take it anymore and they gave in to the ground.

How long was I there for? I don't know. The rain that started to fall from the sky, like diamonds drops, and it refreshed me. There I was, transported again, in front of the bakery. The bakery in which Peeta was raised. In the same exact spot in which I was given, by the boy who had just left me alone, a loaf of burned bread, the bread that kept me going. I sat there, waiting for something to happen, anything, but nothing did. I guess I was waiting for the event to repeat itself, but my mind wasn't letting me win the battle. Not tonight. Instead of that, I heard footsteps coming so hard, so fast. I wasn't able to turn to the sound of them hitting the ground, because a hand had taken me by the arm. "What are you waiting for? I am not coming back. Not now, not ever, get out of here" he said. And in that moment I realized he was right, he wasn't coming back, I knew it.

Then I woke up. I didn't know at the moment what made that dream so scary, so traumatizing. Nothing of it seemed to be so terrible like the ones I had with Prim, or even myself having my tong cut out.

After a few moments of keeping my head under the flowing water I knew it!. I knew what was so upsetting and horrifying about this particular dream. My worst fear of all, the one I wasn't able to admit i had, not even to myself.

I was afraid of losing Peeta with all my heart and body.

It was so hard to admit it, it even hurt a bit. When I could come to my senses I got out of the shower, got dressed and went straight to my room. My bed devoured me, even though I had just been sleeping. But I wasn't sleepy, I was exhausted. My mind was. I couldn't live with this guilt. What if my dream was telling me something I couldn't figure out my own? What if it was some kind of warning? Peeta was having a bad time, I knew it. I had to do something, though I didn't know what exactly, our relationship consisted In trying to keep my alive by feeding me. I had tried to get out of this state, but I wasn't able to, not until today. So I am grateful I had this eye opening dream. I thanked my subconscious silently hoping It would keep helping me this way, reminding me of all the things I should be doing.

I stormed out of the house, with some kind of fury, all of it to find peeta, to tell him I was still here, that I wasn't going anywhere and that I didn't wanted him to go anywhere. That I was doing my best to come back to reality but that it was just so damn hard. I couldn't help but getting mad at myself. Just as these thought kept raging through my mind I saw him.

All of him was actually perfect, even his scars were. But his face, his face showed that my dream wasn't that wrong after all. He was sad, he was fighting his fight and mine. How come I didn't notice this before? Was I really so blinded by my own pain? I ran to him, I was at least one block from him. I ran as hard as my legs bared it. I stumped into him and my arms were instantly almost chocking him. I could feel his stiff body; every muscle of him was tense. He was shocked, just like me. I wasn't planning on doing that, it's just that I couldn't help it anymore. Why should I keep my feelings to myself? There's nothing else there to loose, is there? No.

Katniss- he started to say, but I sealed his lips pushing mine to his as hard as I could.

We stood there kissing just for a few seconds, then I pulled him away from me softly, I was decided to let him know everything I had just discovered, everything I shouldn't be keeping to myself anymore, it was time for me to open up to him, he was always so open about his feelings, besides, he could see right through me anyways.

I haven't been fair- I started to say and he tried to interrupt me by denying this, he was still trying to protect me-no, let me finish. I haven't been fair, I have been selfish and I didn't even think you were suffering too. You have gone through so much more than me, but I didn't notice that until today. You are so caring and I haven't even tried to take care of you. Not even once!- I couldn't help it anymore, the tears started coming down from my eyes, and soon enough they came down from peeta's eyes too.

Please, don't- he said still crying- I don't want you to do or say anything just because I am in pain okay? I wouldn't want you to feel guilty. Ever.

But I'm not feeling guilty- I had to say it, but I still didn't know how to- I'm saying this because…

Because what Katniss?- I could hear his anxiety building up.

I can't live without you, the thought of you without me, it is unbearable. I need you- finally I had said it, I felt such relief. I saw his lips forming a small smile in front of me, it was the best response I could hope for.

I need you too, more than ever. I haven't been feeling like myself lately, and I couldn't turn to you, I couldn't drown my nightmares in your arms.- he said with such sorrow I could feel his pain.- I love you Katniss, I always have, and I always will.

I'm sorry it took so long for me to admit it- I say blushing- I love you too, more than you can imagine.

With all of that said, he placed his hands in my neck and kissed me, so softly and caring I could almost feel every nerve in my body. I was Happy. I felt it and I knew he was feeling it too, I didn't need to ask, I never had. But now I know it.

I still have the doubt; the one that awful dream had left me with. I managed to get out of the kiss in a sweet way so as to not hurt his feelings.

You won't ever leave me, will you? - I said kind of ashamed I had to ask. But it was necessary; I needed to close this chapter in my book of memories.

How could you ever think of that?- he said surprised- Not in a million years!- he smiled at me. There he was, My Peeta.

I had a dream, a horrible one,- I admitted- i dont want to talk about it

I guess we'll have to go back to sleeping together- he said seductively and he continued with the same tone- we don't want you having any nightmare, do we?

I laughed and nodded. I couldn't help myself. I hugged him so hard I swear I could have broken a bone or something. I didn't want to let go, and I didn't. Why should I?

The End.


End file.
